Hiring a kink coach is a great way to take your exploration of kink to the next level. Whether you’re single or partnered, a kink coach can help you elevate your play, deepen your understanding of your desires, and improve communication with those you share kink with.
The value of kink coaching
Feeling stuck in a kinky rut or unsure how to bring your fantasies to life? Much like a life coach does in the vanilla areas of life, a high quality kink coach helps you to forge a path toward getting what you want out of kink. They also create an affirming space to explore your desires honestly, helping you uncover what you truly want from your kinky experiences, and offering practical guidance for how to get there.
What to look for in a kink coach
So, how do you ensure that the kink coach you choose aligns with your unique needs?
Whether you’re exploring kink on your own or with a partner, finding the right kink coach is all about ensuring their approach aligns with your particular interests and approach to kink. Start by reflecting on what you’re hoping to achieve. Are you looking to explore new kinks, refine communication skills, delve deeper into power dynamics, or rediscover your passion? Clarifying your goals—alone or in conversation with a partner—will make it easier to find a coach who suits your needs.
Consent and boundaries are fundamental in kink, and your coach should prioritize them in their practice. Seek out someone who continually educates themselves. The kink world is ever-evolving, and a coach who stays current with new information holds invaluable expertise.
How to find a high quality kink coach
Once you’re ready to start your search, websites like FetLife, kinky Facebook groups, and recommendations from kink-friendly therapists or educators are great places to start. Begin by finding four or five kink coaches that catch your attention. Look for information about their level of experience with any specific kinks or dynamics that you’re hoping to explore, testimonials from previous clients, and whether they mention the importance of safety, consent, and boundaries on their website.
Pro tip: Kink Academy Founder, Princess Kali, offers kink coaching for femdoms and couples. You can see her offerings on her website, CoachingByKali.com.
Once you’ve narrowed down your options, reach out to schedule consultations. These initial conversations are your opportunity to ask questions, get a sense of their coaching style, and gauge your comfort level with them. When done well, kink coaching is a very vulnerable experience! In order to get the most out of it, you’ll want to feel comfortable sharing intimate details with your coach. Be upfront about your needs, goals, and any concerns—a good coach will appreciate you being clear about what exactly you’re looking for.
Don’t forget the logistics—consider their availability for in-person or virtual sessions, their rates, and whether they offer coaching packages that fit your needs. Choose someone whose schedule and pricing work for you.
Tips for working with a kink coach
Throughout your coaching experience, keep the lines of communication open. If something doesn’t land well for you, or if your needs change, share that with your coach. A great coach will adapt and ensure the experience stays aligned with your goals.
Remember not to rush the process. Growth in kink is a journey, and working with a coach can be transformative, but it takes time.
Finding the right kink coach can take a bit of research, but once you find a good match, the potential for growth is remarkable. By getting clear on your goals and communicating them to your coach, you can co-create a coaching experience that makes your kinky fantasies into realities.
Tldr; Kink coach green flags:
- Doesn’t make assumptions about your role(s) or desires
- Emphasizes the importance of consent, boundaries, and safety in kink
- Responds positively when you ask questions about their approach
- Continually educates themself
- Years of documented experience with kink coaching and education
- Admits when they don’t know something
- Strong testimonials from past clients
- Recommended by respected kinksters