In the movies, kinky people do their wild and crazy antics in dark clubs at the end of rain-shined alleyways with shiny leather chairs and vaulted ceilings inside, or in some mansion in the countryside complete with a full staff and valet parking. Or else they introduce their new kinky partner to the hidden room behind the wall, covered with red velvet and racks of all the floggers, canes, and paddles a person could want.

For the rest of us, though, it’s not always that easy. While larger cities occasionally have some kind of community dungeon, not everyone has the ability to play in a public space. It’s also rare to have a room you can dedicate to your kink, and the resources to stock it with everything you want. That doesn’t mean that you can’t create your own little haven of perversion, though, with some creative and hidden resources.

Doing It On the Duvet

While it can be fun to just randomly try out a piece of furniture for some rough play such as spanking or face-fucking, you often find out the hard way that hardwood floors are hard on knees as well, and some chairs aren’t as sturdy as you might expect when two people are getting rambunctious on them.

Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re picking out furniture that can do double-duty whether it’s Netflix and chill or tie ‘em up and fuck ‘em.

• Sturdy and stable: Make sure that the furniture is low, wide, and doesn’t have thin legs, rails, or other pieces that could easily break off if they are grabbed in a moment of lust. It can sometimes be useful to have things like ottomans on casters to move them around, but make sure they have locks so that when you want them to stay sturdy they don’t move!
• Connection Points: Some furniture will naturally lend itself to things like kneeling, bending over, or have easy ways to connect things like ropes and cuffs to them. If not, though, you can always go to the hardware store and invest in a few d-ring screwplates that can be attached to the bottom of furniture, out of sight but easily accessible when needed.
• Waterproof: As Mae West said, “Sex is only dirty if you do it right”. Making sure that your furniture is proof against various liquids is a useful precaution to take simply out of respect for your less-than-kinky guests. You can also keep a few waterproof blankets – whether from sporting events or something custom made by a company such as Liberator – in a handy closet or storage space, so you’re ready to throw them over whatever spot you’re planning to defile.

Hiding Your Toys for Easy Access

One of the ways you can define the word “kinky” is to say it is “sex, but with accessories.” When it comes to having access to your favorite toys, tools, devices, and pervertibles, there are two main strategies:

1. That Special Place: Finding a decorative and lockable trunk, drawer, or box to hold the secret sexy things is a useful way to both have things ready-to-hand but at the same time hidden from guests, children, or nosy relatives. In some cases they can be decorative or functional enough to give a special little thrill because you know what is inside of that chest where your neighbor just set their coffee cup. The downside is that you run the risk of losing the key, or just not having it around when you’re in the mood to play.
2. Hidden in Plain Sight: There are a lot of ways you can simply have your toys out in the open without anyone being the wiser. A tall vase in the corner with long strips of bamboo or palm fronds? Totally decorative. That antique breadboard hung over the kitchen counter? No one has to know it has left it’s mark in a domestic discipline scene. If the chains and ceiling hooks are a little more sturdy than your hanging plants actually need, who’s to know? And yes, you might have a few more plain wax candles than most, but who’s to know that’s because you enjoy dripping them on your partner’s genitals?

Investing in Your Comfort and Your Kink

The most important thing to remember is that you are not some Hollywood set designer trying to create an imaginary perversionarium. Your are building your own fortress of kinkitude, and that means it should have the things you need.

• Have an out-of-the-way stash of your preferred safer sex supplies, lube, as well as some wet wipes and soft washcloths for cleanup.
• Think about what positions you like to be in for kink, and get enough pillows or cushions to make it happen. These could be fancy waterproof Liberator wedges, but some cheap pillows from the local thrift store might be just as good (and more disposable).
• Many people now have “smart” lightbulbs, networked streaming music systems, and other “internet of things” devices that make it possible to get you in the mood for your kinky role with the flip of a switch.

Until the time when we all have our own secluded country manors, you can use these tips and your own imagination to turn your own living space into your ultimate kinkadelic fuckpad, without the neighbors ever being any the wiser!