Are you tired?

You’re reading this, so you’re connected to the internet. That means that at some point you’ve come into contact with some of the news of the day.

At the time of this writing, that looks like the President being investigated for bad stuff, the President threatening to bomb another country for bad stuff, another country yelling at the U.S. for doing bad stuff, the fear of sexual autonomy causing congress to do bad stuff, and talk of an unusual storm blowing our way next week. About the only good news is that one of the senators that did some bad stuff has announced they will not run for re-election; great, but there’s a backside to that which is that the front-runner from that party happens to also be a White Supremacist.

Sexiest. Blog. Post. Ever.

Still with me? I know, this is supposed to be a blog about kink and sex and fun, and we will get there. First, though, let’s be real: the world is not only full of Bad Stuff, but we have a non-stop connection to it through various social media and more.

And that can make it hard to get kinky. Whether that’s some deep thoughts like “Am I re-creating the abuses of systemic oppression by making him call me Mistress? or just finding yourself distracted by CNN news alerts on your phone when you want to be focusing on your partner’s puckering anus, it’s sometimes harder to get in the mood.

Before we talk about some concrete steps to clearing the decks of your mind and making space for the hot and perverted mischief you know and love, let’s get one thing out of the way:

You’re not a bad person for playing while the world is on fire.

Seriously. Odds are that at least some of the flames are not your fault. You don’t get to take credit for all of it; you only get your own small part, and sure, you’re responsible for keeping it from getting worse, but that’s not a full time job. Everybody needs a break; in fact, if you don’t take time to re-charge and re-fresh your metaphorical batteries, you’re not going to be as effective at it.

I’m going to bet that you are not in a constant state of orgasmic bacchanalia; there’s some kind of balance between kinky fun and responsibility, and that’s a good thing. If you decided, in some lysistratan vow, to refrain from kink until the world was all fixed, you’d be adding fuel to the fire.

We’ll come back to that. First, some practical solutions.

Three Ways to Kink That Mood

1. Music: Along with the whole news feed comes access to pretty much any song, ever. You can curate your own playlist of songs that awaken those dirty-ass perverse ideas in your brain. This is your list; don’t just play the dungeon music, play the songs that really make you feel hot. But this will only work if you only listen to it when you’re gonna be getting kinky, and only if you focus on the music. Don’t multitask; let your KINKY AF playlist do the work it’s designed to do.
2. Feed the Lizard Brain: You may have heard someone say “watch porn” or “read erotica” or “look at dirty pics” to get yourself in the mood for sexy times. Thing is, porn isn’t one-size-fits-all, and the porn that gets you in the mood might not even be about the thing that you do. Me, I like reading Michael Manning, or visiting Literotica.com. That’s not to say I don’t like high-focus erotica, or watching some hot bondage porn – they just don’t give me the visceral thrill that “In the Spider Garden” does (one exception is anything done by Crash Pad Series, but that’s because their performers get so into their work).
3. Dress the Part: Much like having a stash of imagery that makes you think and a playlist that makes you move, there’s also some value in creating your own Kinky Superhero costume. That’s different than the “normal” stuff you wear to a club or a party; this is your secret invincible kinky self, the one who only a select few lucky people get to know. This outfit, as you put it on, is it’s own kind of ritual, sliding fabric or leather or rope over skin and with every fastening and zip armoring you against the world’s troubles and giving you your own space to be a kinky motherfucker.

Second, a final reminder of the words of Audre Lorde:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

In other words, you taking the time to assert your rights as a sexually autonomous person and celebrate consensual acts is also part of putting out the fire.

Get out there and kink! The world you save may be your own.