I recently asked a friend of mine, “So…. do you play with gender, how do you identify?”

I knew she was gay- her profile says, “I don’t not have sex with men.” Ok- fair enough.

She goes by her given name, which is not at all masculine or even androgynous. I’ve seen her dressed to kill both feminine and masculine. In both ways, she is stunning. So in the midst of conversation, I asked her how she identifies. I didn’t want to ask specifics or anything- whether or not she packs is nothing but a pervy interest of mine. I figured that the question was enough and based on her answer I would get the information I need to know.

Did I get a cut and dry answer? No, not really. She’s queer. I’m ok with that.

This weeks assignment was inspired by Renee’s video on KinkAcademy.com. I’ve never met Renee in person but I’ve been following her on twitter and I’ve heard stories of her for almost a year now because she’s an active member in the kink community in Boston where many of my friends are. Renee is a MtF switch and her video covered the basics of LGBTQQ terminology.

The last Q stands for “questioning”.

I admit to being very confused. Many people say, “who cares about labels” however, I have found that in some circles, they are very important. Denying someones label is as good as not acknowledging it. I always aim to be polite even if I’m not exactly sure what to say. Renee suggested that ‘gay’ is a good safe umbrella term and I think that ‘queer’ is a safe umbrella term also, I think it might be more popular than ‘gay’ right now.

However, it’s hard to know if it’s right to call someone Lesbian if they identify as Queer (is there a difference?). Should you naturally assume that someone who is a cross dresser is gay? I know a very straight male cross dresser who is a BEAUTIFUL woman when he goes out. He’s not gay and really “not even kinky besides the dressing like a woman thing.”

Is a MtF still considered gay if they continue to have sex with men?

What’s a bi- poly switch like me know about terminology?? It’s confusing. I have a friend who is a bio female, however I always refer to as ‘he’. In his regular life and job, he uses the women’s restroom and goes by his given female name- however make no mistake, Kyle is one of the guys and there’s no question in my mind about that. I also have a friend with both a male and female identity who prefers to be referred to as ‘they’ and ‘them’. However I met Aiden Fyre PRE-Aiden.  I still mistakenly refer to them as SHE, because SHE was the one I had a huge crush on. The last time I saw them they were dressed as female, I addressed them as Mina. Last year, in the same night I got Mina to sign my thigh, but I was sure to make out a little with Aiden.

I guess I’m more hetero-flexible.

See what I did there?? I threw in a label of my own.