I’ve certainly spent a lot of time talking about my own thoughts on polyamory and sharing the many videos on Kink Academy about it, but I haven’t really talked about the legal aspects of it. Aimee Bouchard talks briefly (3 min) about it in her video “Legal Considerations for Polyamory“. In this video, “she discusses laws against adultery, the rights (or lack thereof) of multiple partners, and examples of potential discrimination (e.g., child custody and employment).”
It should be considered that in some states, having sex with someone outside of your marriage, adultery, is illegal. It is illegal in the state of NY, where I currently live. Though Aimee states that the chances of you actually being arrested and then convicted of adultery are very slim, I do have to say that a few months ago, there was a woman arrested for adultery in my area. Though it looks like she will not get any jail time, she will be paying a fine and placed on probation after pleading guilty to public lewdness. It didn’t help that she committed adultery while at a public park with other people in the area. So I do have to take into consideration that I *could* be charged with adultery should I choose to do anything in the public eye.
Another thing to consider, and I do everyday, is the risk of employment. Just yesterday I wrote about my struggle in revealing my relationship to those I volunteer with. My personal life shouldn’t matter to my employer, but lets face it, it can. Finding out that I lead a not so conventional life could deter them from hiring me. Which sucks. There’s a lot of laws out there that can protect people from discrimination due to sexual orientation, but they don’t necessarily apply to polyamory. Choosing to reveal my open marriage to a few people and then asking them to keep it secret, is too much to ask of them in my opinion. My open marriage is definitely something that people will want to talk about. So, I stay silent. Right now it is more important for me to get hired than to share my true self.
People who are separated and have to fight for child custody should consider keeping things secret. It sucks, but people could consider you “unfit” parents just because you lead a polyamorous lifestyle. This isn’t something we have had to worry about for the most part. Sylvanus does have a child from his previous marriage and everything has already been settled in writing in regards to custody of his child for years to come, but you never know. We are choosing to keep our personal sex life, personal and not letting family find out. Chances are, it will just lead to misunderstanding and judgment and nobody wants to see any legal action taken against my husband just because he lives a non conventional life.
Just like same sex couples (in a lot of places), polyamorous relationships don’t have the same medical rights as heterosexual married couples. So when one member becomes hospitalized, not all members of the polyamory relationship will have rights of visitation. It’s something to consider that even though you may live like a family, when something happens, not all of you will have the same rights.
Aimee has shared some good advice and has expanded my thoughts on polyamory to include what is often overlooked. Aimee is not a lawyer and urges anyone that has very serious question and issues to please contact one.